Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
