Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
