When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
