Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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