I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
