i think my mom watched the whole time
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
