And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
