mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
