I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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