Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
