Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
