i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
