Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
