Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
