If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
