you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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