I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
