I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
