It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
