Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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