I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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