im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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