He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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