this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
