My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
