is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
