Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
