Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dick very happy bro
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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