ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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