I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
