Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
