I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
