my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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