I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
