I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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