God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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