worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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