It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
