My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
