physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
