oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
