she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
