our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
