You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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