she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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