So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
