Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
