omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
