Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize