Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
