onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize