if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
porn star boner night. come get it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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