he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
