Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
