So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
