Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
