haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
