My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
