I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
