hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
