This is not my ceiling
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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