Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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