I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All the doctor said was why
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
