Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
