Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
