1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
