I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
