My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
