Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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