Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
