i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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