I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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