sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
