You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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