I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
