My liver just broke up with me...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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