oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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