i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
