You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
