Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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