glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
