I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Four minutes until I can fart!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
